Like many of you, I anxiously await December to travel to the Midwest Clinic to be re-energized, recharged, and enlightened. The experience of attending the Midwest with its fabulous clinics, concerts, and exhibits serves as a culmination of what has been a long and productive semester for me each year. I know when the last release of our Holiday concert reverberates through our Performing Arts Center it is only a short time until once again I will see familiar faces at our staff meeting and I will be in the throes of the whirlwind that becomes the Midwest experience for me.

It seemed that this year would be much like so many others. Band camp had begun and I was deeply involved in making sure the 300+ students in our band program were outfitted with Drillmasters, ponchos, lyres, and all the other necessities that are needed for marching band. On August 7, I received the email from Kelly Jocius inviting me to serve once again on the Midwest conference staff. I looked over our first semester schedule and contemplated all that would transpire from that moment until our staff meeting: six home football games, possible playoffs, annual fundraisers, chamber music recital, Holiday concert… so many things on the calendar. Midwest would mean a great deal has been accomplished and the Holiday season with its much needed time away from school has arrived.

I quickly respond back to Kelly that I would be delighted to serve on staff not knowing that the road to Midwest will be much different this year that in the past. For this year while taking care of what are usually routine doctor’s visits and annual testing I would face a very new challenge. Following a mammogram and biopsy in late October, I would receive a call that would stop me in my tracks. On November 1, I was diagnosed with breast cancer.

The first weekend following my diagnosis was not a good one for me. How could this be? Would I be able to continue working? What was the prognosis? The radiologist asked me to call her on her cell phone so we could talk. I am thankful that Dr. Sarah Fridewald was the radiologist that read my mammogram on October 24th and subsequently requested a biopsy on October 31. Dr. Fridewald’s attention to detail caused her to request additional views of my right side following her review of an area she found suspicious on previous mammograms. She and my internist, Dr. Lisa Peck-Rosen had discussed my findings and had decided that I should see Dr. Sharon Goldish. As I talked to Dr. Fridewald that day I remember being incredibly emotional. Cancer is a scary thing but Dr. Fridewald responded by saying we are going to take very good care of you.

Over the weekend, I contacted selected members of the Northshore Band clarinet section as well as our conductor, Dr. Mallory Thompson. I serve as the section leader/principal clarinet of the Northshore Band. We had a concert coming up the very next weekend. I was unsure if I would be in the emotional/mental state to play our upcoming concert. We would be playing Grantham’s “Southern Harmony” as one of our selections. I was to play the second movement’s opening solo. I have done this solo on several other occasions but was unsure under the current situation if I could pull this off. I am from the South - North Carolina to be exact. This shaped note tune was a favorite of mine and reminded me of the type of singing so prevalent in the small churches of the South. I had to make sure that this part of the concert was covered in case I was not up to the task. I emailed my stand partner, Alan Dubois, to make sure he was ready to cover the solo just in case. All those I contacted were ready to cover whatever I needed but did not feel they would need to do this for me. I knew this concert would be incredibly challenging for me to play. It was so close to the diagnosis and my mind was a jumble.

On Wednesday, November 7 my husband and I had an appointment with Dr. Goldish, a surgeon specializing in breast surgery. Dr. Goldish reviewed all the information sent to her regarding my situation. I remember her question – “So were you just being a good citizen to arrive here?” Yes I was just being a good citizen, following all the rules, and still I did have breast cancer. Dr. Goldish explained what she was looking at and what would need to transpire in the next few weeks. I asked her three important questions that only a band director would ask. Will I be able to conduct my Holiday concert? Will I be able to play clarinet for an upcoming church service? And will I be able to attend the Midwest clinic? I knew I had the right doctor when she said “Why wouldn’t you do any of those things?” She indicated that I was a strong woman who would be able to deal with all that would come my way. I also liked that as I got ready to leave she asked where I was originally from (I still have a slight accent). When I replied North Carolina, she replied “I’m from Texas”. There always seems to be an unspoken bond between Southern women no matter how far from home they travel. This would be a good match for me.

Following this doctor’s visit, I traveled to Northwestern to play the dress rehearsal for the Northshore Band concert. I quickly went in to take my place on Pick-Staiger’s stage to see if I could get my head into playing. My husband went to the Paynter Society reception where he was inundated with questions from the Northshore Band Board of Directors and other long time band friends. My stand partner, Alan, came in to see how I was doing. I asked to go over the “Southern Harmony” solo section. It went well. I decided that I could do this – it would be difficult but I could do this solo and I needed to do this solo. That was a difficult rehearsal but it prepared me for the concert on Sunday. That concert was wonderful and the solo on “Southern Harmony” went well. I was able to play well and attended the reception following the concert where I spent sometime talking with Larry Combs, our guest soloist.

My husband helped me contact all my friends and family to tell them about my diagnosis and date of my upcoming surgery. My colleagues at school, Jeff Slepak and Gerry Peters, helped me let all the students and band families know about my cancer. I continued to attend school except for having to miss for scheduled pre-surgical tests. My students were very concerned about me as were their families. Surgery was scheduled for November 16. Then the results of my breast MRI showed yet another suspicious area in another place on my chest. Dr. Goldish called to let me know that I needed to come in for an ultrasound and biopsy of this area. So instead of surgery, I was back to see the surgeon for more tests. Surgery would have to be moved back until we knew what this additional area contained. Now I was very concerned that the surgery date was coming much too close to our Holiday concert and the other events that I so wanted to be able to do.

The next Monday the results were in. The biopsy taken was negative for cancer but several radiologists felt that the image on the MRI was not accessed by the biopsy. I would need another MRI with an additional biopsy. The next MRI would last approximately 2 hours. I found it took every bit of concentration I could muster to remain calm. Several years ago I took Alexander technique lessons to prepare for a solo I had to perform. These lessons proved important in the focus I needed to go through this test. An MRI guided biopsy could not be performed as the area which needed the biopsy was unreachable by this method. This would mean even more delay.

I returned home now sure that my concert, the church performance, and Midwest were in jeopardy for me. My spirits were low. My husband and I talked. A biopsy of this new area was needed. I could have it done before surgery or I could have it done as a part of the known surgery knowing that if it contained cancer additional surgery would be needed. By this time he had seen me go through 15 core biopsies, 3 ultrasounds, 2 breast MRIs, and so many mammograms I can’t really remember. We decided to have the biopsy done at the time of the lumpectomy. If additional surgery was needed that would be done at a different time. So the date was set, December 3.

I arrived at the hospital early in the morning. It took several hours to complete the presurgical testing. Soon the cancer would be removed and I would know exactly what was ahead. Surgery went well. I woke up in a noisy recovery room and was asked what type of music I would like. Mozart I said. I was given a CD player and headphones. I smiled at the familiar strains of the Mozart clarinet concerto. There could have been nothing better for me to listen to than this. When did I first learn this melody? I remember I was a sophomore in high school preparing for the All-State band audition. I’ve probably played it every year since then.

My husband met me in a second recovery room. He told me the best news yet. The cancer was completely removed with wide margins and my lymph nodes were clean. We left the hospital that evening about twelve hours after having arrived that morning. I was famished having not eaten since early that morning. We had a wonderful Italian dinner. Chicken parmigiana never tasted quite so good.

Returning home our house continued to receive flowers and cards. I found out that some of my former students created a Facebook page dedicated to me and my recovery. I spent the next day enjoying the flowers and our Christmas trees. Old friends called to see how surgery went. There were three messages from my “three” brothers on my cell phone. One message was from by brother Ken, one from my brother Steve, and the other from my “acquired” brother Dr. John Lynch. I called each one of them to let them know I was fine and the good news.

Then Wednesday came. I felt fine and after all our Holiday concert was coming up soon. Gerry Peters picked me up for work. Though most were shocked to see me at school, it was great to be there. I had already checked out how conducting would be at home. Dr. Goldish was right. This was going to be okay. I also went to Northshore Band that week. Again, the reception I received from my section for just showing up was tremendous. For me it felt good to play my clarinet. Music is truly the best medicine.
I conducted our Holiday concert and I can tell you the ovation I received from our parents and students that day as I took the stage was awesome. An ovation for just showing up—that’s pretty sweet! I guess some of the parents though I was just coming out on stage to let everyone see I was fine. When I went to the podium to conduct many were floored. This felt great! The kids played well. It was a very special concert.

The very next week I played a special service for the Holidays at the Village Church in Barrington. This was more like the normal pre-cancer me. It felt good to play my instrument and make music. My second request fulfilled.

Then on Sunday, December 16, just thirteen days after surgery. I checked into my room at the Hilton to begin my work as a staff member at the Midwest Clinic. I had told Kelly Jocius about my trials to make it to Midwest. He had replied that they looked forward to seeing me and would do everything to make the week possible for me. I didn’t expect anything special during the week just the opportunity to be there. The staff, as a whole, was not aware of my road to Midwest. When I checked into my room, the bellman didn’t know what all the tears were about. It seemed that making through that door meant that my final request had come true. Cancer had not stopped me from being me. I briefly explained and he gave me a big hug and talked me for allowing him to be a part of that special moment.

The staff meeting that evening was much like many in the past. We went over the week’s schedule and shared small gifts for the holidays. I had received my most important gifts for the holiday season: the news of being cancer free and completing the three requests I made of my surgeon. Being at Midwest was thrilling. The music never sounded so sweet. It was exciting to be able to be there and experience all that it had to offer. I was recharged and revitalized. I was able to see friends and former students who are now directors and performers themselves. One of them, Jamie Lipton, always drops by the Boulevard Room to see me. I asked her if she knew about the cancer. Jamie indicated that she knew all about it from other former students but knew that I would be at Midwest. “Midwest has always been important to you,” she said, “so I knew you’d be here.”

This year’s Midwest was the year of the mentor. I had intended to write a tribute to my mentor Barb Buehlman. Barb hired me to work with her in Round Lake, Illinois when I graduated from Northwestern. Over the years, Barb and I became good friends. I admired her for her skill as a teacher, arranger, organizer, and musician. She taught me more about strength of character than anyone I’ve ever known. I’ve been told over and over since I begin my treatments for cancer how strong I am. Barb Buehlman, my mentor, showed me on a daily basis what strength of character is all about. When Kelly told me Barb would be proud of how I handled this, it made me smile.

Debbie Durham is Associate Music Director at Adlai E. Stevenson High School in Lincolnshire, Illinois and Setup Supervisor at the Midwest Clinic.